Let's first address the title. Okay, have you ever gone some where secluded and just screamed at the top of your lungs? Me neither. I heard its very "freeing?" Well... I guess this is kinda of a healthy and freeing activity for me (like screaming? still sounds weird but this whole blog is out of my comfort zone) and since the title SCREAMINGS sounded much too dramatic and quite frankly... scary, I went with Shoutings. Doesn't mean each post of me just letting loose all the built up aggression, but it is something that helps. Also, I never thought I would go into the woods and shout just because, I also never thought I would blog... so there's another connection if you need it. Lastly, I like to dabble in Hipster. Somehow, in my brain, hipster+weird= creative+cool, hence the unfocused background and unnecessarily deep title. I would consider myself more than shy when it comes to my own writing. I ALWAYS second guess everything that I write. Even with this little introduction... third try. Its not even that one version is better than the others, I just can't help but think some things that I have to say are incorrect, too passionate, or ignorant. I guess there's a million ways to tear something down, Ill get over at some point. Anyway, I think I am starting this blog, not to keep people informed on my life, but some sort of personal outlet. I don't know if I'll ever post any of my entries, but that is the plan some day.
That's enough of an introduction so here we go...
The past couple of weeks have been interesting to say the least. I'm not a huge crier, not to sound overly macho or anything, but I just don't cry a lot, especially for myself. In the past two weeks I have cried twice. Not just a simple tear or two, like when I am finished my eyes are more blood shot that any stoner, my right sleeve is all damp because that's where I put the snot that runs out of my nose, and somehow my hair always get real messed up. Its almost as if I return to my first grade self, sloppy, kind of gross, and carefree. Anyway, I have experienced rejection at its finest. There's a nice little non-profit called Union Rescue Mission and my dear friend Josiah told me that there was an opening for their Volunteer Coordinator position. I applied in May, they made their decision in... August. In between those times I had four different interviews, many mixed feelings, and a confidence that I was really gonna get this job. Naturally, I told everyone and their mothers about it which made my rejection even more embarrassing. The worst part is definantly just telling people. Sometimes, scenarios go as such:
"So Kev! How's that job coming?"
Well, I could say something like, "Oh, you know, it just didn't work out."
Instead when talking about my experience I tend to phrase it like this
This was the email I sent Sarah just days before I found out I didn't get the job...
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So now its my turn. Chris is on walkabout so I literally dont have any friends... both of you left me... alone.
I
went into URM (union Rescue mission) for a fourth interview! They told
me they wanted me to come down so they could take me out to lunch.
Honestly, I though they were going to offer me the job. They didnt.
Sarah they just asked me questions like, "whats your favorite movie"
and "do you have any hobbies?" WHAT THE $#%& (Woops sorry mom). What kind of organization
takes three month to make a decision, then dont actually make a
decision, and just make me drive down to LA to ask me if I like music.
Who doesn't like music. Idiots. Anyway, the worst part was that it
was three hours! After we went to lunch they just took me back to the
office and we sat there. Literally, the guy who would be my boss laid
down on the couch. I was livid. But then again, its probably the most
relaxed work enviorment I could ask for. Oh and! I put on my
application that I wanted around $17 per hour... they are planning on
paying my $14. Bastards. Anyway, I should be more thankful.
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For obvious reason I don't usually express myself so...how should I say... passionately?
I suppose much of the point I am getting at, or rather, much of what my life seems to be telling me is that things are not always going to go the way that we plan them (stunning realization). Ever since I have graduated I feel like I am going to have to get used to a different kind of life, maybe one that travels at a different speed. I sit here, most days, searching through the human resources pages for work opportunities. And if I am not doing that during the day, I'm probably walking into coffee shops to introduce myself to the manager before she/he tells me that they just hired someone last week and weren't looking to add. That just sucked. At the same time, APU continues on as if it lost nothing, because in reality, it didn't. I am a part of the cycle. Also, kinda sucks. I sit here, watch new freshman move in, knowing what the next four years holds for them, thinking about memories. Like freshman halls, new friendships fostering conversations late into the evening, and classes that make you actually miss lectures. How I would love to start that journey again. Sadly, I cannot. I'm on a new one.
You always hear the saying, "It's not bad, its juts different." I feel it. Its getting used to a new kind of life. You know when you're younger, you always see adults drinking coffee? I know I always thought to myself, "whats so good about coffee that adults need to drink it all the time?" Sure, it smells good, but I remember the first time I tried it. I have never tasted anything so bitter. My face scrunched up and I shut my eyes almost like an bitter warhead (the candy?). I feel like coffee is something that catches most of us off guard, but we learn to really love and appreciate the different flavors, blends, and drink it can be used in. Ever heard of anyone who just loved coffee the very first time they had it? Probably not. If you did, they most likely lied to be "coffee cool."
This is where I sit. The initial taste of this new life is bitter, hard, but most of all, I can't see why people older than me like it so much. I just have to be patient and and develop a taste for something new.
You always hear the saying, "It's not bad, its juts different." I feel it. Its getting used to a new kind of life. You know when you're younger, you always see adults drinking coffee? I know I always thought to myself, "whats so good about coffee that adults need to drink it all the time?" Sure, it smells good, but I remember the first time I tried it. I have never tasted anything so bitter. My face scrunched up and I shut my eyes almost like an bitter warhead (the candy?). I feel like coffee is something that catches most of us off guard, but we learn to really love and appreciate the different flavors, blends, and drink it can be used in. Ever heard of anyone who just loved coffee the very first time they had it? Probably not. If you did, they most likely lied to be "coffee cool."
This is where I sit. The initial taste of this new life is bitter, hard, but most of all, I can't see why people older than me like it so much. I just have to be patient and and develop a taste for something new.
